Somewhere along the line..

Something happened in my transgression, some incident that i cannot put my finger on. But nevertheless I know that their is dark secret in my head, probably more then one....
However it is not yet programmed as failure but still, laughably!, as just a part of my past, recent, long term, life accomplishments? Another speculation I am not yet ready to make.

Somewhere along the line, speech became tired some, reading became skimming and typing even became sloppy.

I will try to rise from this deep hole I am in, but am I yet motivated?

I ask for signs and sometimes I even get them, then some very seldom times I act on them, but more often I revert into the same madness.

I do have to help myself, by discipline, but I never believed in that.